doing it all over again...

scheming through the shelves i hope i can find a book that match my interest.. but there is no one book that fits everyone perfectly. nothing comes in package.. you have to customize your own book.

everything is just too subjective...

where is the key?.. the same door do not open twice.. yet i had it opened twice for me but i did not step through.. where does it lead to?

grass always seems greener on the other side.. its true until we've been on the other side.. now that ive been there i wish i could go back.

im too tired to take the next move...

the moment is getting near.. afraid it might strike me again...

whenever im near that point of stage i just thought maybe a few hours of escape would help but its reality that we are living in..

i might seems like a planner of life.. the truth is i don't make the best decisions and more often than not i regret my moves.

why do ppl do what they do? why do they do it even though they know there will only be the worst. why i do things i did? i have absolutely no idea. i'm not exactly the person who think only with my head. i do go with my heart sometimes but it turn out that my heart is the culprit to my unsatisfactions. maybe i should only trust my brain..

im thinking that i should mix with these new frens of mine lesser... they are kinda like the shadow of him.. it scares me how similar i can be...

i don't really like who i am but thats just who i am...

some self reflection.. upbringing really shapes who you will be... and i will definitely train my kids to have high self discipline.. if i ever have kids... i just don't think i will be a good mom. hahah. so better not to have any.

what do i wan? this is the big ques that i kept asking myself.. where am i heading to.. what am i doing now? everything seems so redundant.. what is my role in this society? where do i belong?where do i see myself in 5 years? i guess the age really is doing a great job messing with my head. 21 seems like such a big deal. ive lived almost 21 years now and dont feel ive accomplished anything in my life other than growing some weight and height.. most ppl wanna be successful in life. what is my definition of success?

in the end im just a 21 year old lost in my own life..

can i disappear for a year or so?....

i have two empty bowls but there;s only so much water i have. filling one more means leaving another insufficient.. just like in life there;s only so much allowance and i have to chose where should i put them.

i look into ppl and see if any part of their life that i wan and also avoid mistakes that they made.

i guess im just too greedy making my investment in any form too diversified, not reaching anywhere that i intended to.

so what is the smart investment plan? i wonder how long will it take for me to figure it out.. or will i ever figure it out..

this morning i just got a msg from a fren that John a very nice person and a loving husband had just passed away.. the last time i saw him he looked so healthy and normal.. just hope that her wife Joanne (she shares the same name as me) will be ok..

drowning on the other side of the pool...

~do u ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again?...

-kate perry

i wonder y last time i dont like her. i do now..

the excitement of going to aust is creeping in and ive been searching for blogs or sites to read about where i can go or what i can do in melbourne. im suppose to study for my finals. ok spending half an hour during lunch break while eating and reading shouldnt do much harm right? ok mayb taking half an hour for facebooking during tea time wouldnt do much harm also am i right? then another half an hour updating my blog and watch some video after dinner and shower wont do much harm too. then the many half an hour became hours. o.O

gtg now or another hour will be gone.