ironic how i read back what i wrote some time ago all i wanted was to come out and work and now i wish i could go back to study.

everyone wish to find a job what they love and working will not feel like working at all. how many actually succeeded?

is this the right decision?

What is it that I'm searching for really?

sometimes we just need to be more shameless and live with things that we have done... self hypnotize and ignorance might be the best way to get through certain things.

its so hard when i couldnt whats ahead..

how does ppl here do this??? constantly refrain urself the high discipline and concentration. how i wish i could start working.. there;s so much more personal time to do things that you love. things that u really wanna learn instead of cramping your brain with all the shits from the notes.

im trying really hard to fight this emo feelings. sometimes i wonder all the happy faces i see everyday, are they real? or are they faking it. we r not kids and displaying your true emotions doesnt work well in this society.

as much as i don t wanna care about how other ppl think of me, reality doesnt function that way.

ignoring the perception of other ppl is as good as living in your own world

Balance in life. how do you achieve it? and how do you maintain it? Comtemplating between life and work.

Motivation? there's none in me. doing this purely because im suppose to is so hard. everyone is searching for some..

i never thought that this day would come to me where i would pay ppl to do my assignments.. ya.. im that desperate... im paying some stranger 100 bucks to do a stupid english essay which comprise 40% of my module that cant even secure a pass..

i used so many days to do just one stupid presentation. i spent another dunno how many freaking days to write another essay for another elective. now i get how do the business students feel like.

i really feel like going for a drink.. but then i thought of it.. so what if i go for a drink... it doesnt help me feel better.. mayb for that few hours of escape and then im bac..

last time i would feel pity for those ppl who do ntg other than what they like and they are not good in everything else not even in talking to ppl.. but now i feel lucky for them because at least they have direction and they hav the passion for something.. 21 and im lost..

i feel like im only living mayb about 3-4 months out of 12 months in a year. i spent the rest of the months feeling emo, doing whatever everyone is suppose to do, ignoring and hoping that mayb smtg would happen or change. not living the moment when thats what life is suppose to be.

this is the most lengthy entry after so long.. probably from all the essay writing that i have been doing...

life is a fucking bitch!!

i crossed the line... and i lost everything.